Chris Brown sat down for his first interview which aired Wednesday on CNN with his mother and attorney on Larry King Live, where he refuses to detail what led to his beating Rihanna, but says he’s “disappointed” in himself.

“I’m in shock, because, first of all, that’s not who I am as a person, and that’s not who I promise I want to be,” the 20-year-old singer, who was sentenced to five years probation and six months of community labor, said.

“I just don’t know what to think. I’m just like, wow,” Brown said. “It’s crazy to me.”

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