Gossip Girl Watch: Jesus Takes The Wheel As Poppy Plots A Ponzi Scheme

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The Gossip Girl gang is all here, Blair, Chuck, Nate, Serena even Georgina, and they’re scheming and plotting together like true Upper East Side friends. But can born-again Georgina take the wheel back from Jesus and steer everyone out of a financial mess?!

Here are Blindie’s TOP 10 moments from Gossip Girl‘s “Wrath of Con” episode:

  1. Poppy Lifton (Tamara Feldman) is using Gabriel (Armie Hammer) to run a Ponzi scheme on Serena’s friends and even Rufus Humphrey (Matthew Settle) gets caught up in it. Because Ponzi schemes aren’t just for Jewish people anymore.
  2. We love how Lily Bass (Kelly Rutherford) would rather pay everyone off and prevent scandal and a ruined social image rather than go after the real crooks.
  3. Rufus Humphrey plans to surprise Lily with dinner and pop the question so he wheels the food to her ritzy Manhattan apartment in a rickety wagon! Hasn’t he ever heard of delivery?! Take that old lady wagon back to Brooklyn!
  4. Last season everyone wanted Serena (Blake Lively), now Blair (Leighton Meester) is in high demand as Nate (Chace Crawford) and Chuck (Ed Westwick) fight for her attention.
  5. Can Dan Humphrey’s (Penn Bagdley) big mouth ruin anymore plots?!
  6. Blair asks Chuck to declare his love for her or let her go. Of course Chuck does not let his guard down and he lets Blair go, then admits to Serena that it’s because he loves her and can’t make her happy.
  7. Georgina’s cell phone ring is a “praise the Lord” song.
  8. The big plan to bust Poppy goes south as Serena is hauled away by the cops and Poppy trots off with Georgina’s bible money.
  9. We lost count of the Jesus mentions after the first half hour, but here are tour faves: “I gave up my old ways when I let Jesus take the wheel,” Georgina tells Blair; “I will never forgive you for what you did and neither will Jesus,” Blair screams at Georgina; “You can tell Jesus that the bitch is back,” as Georgina finishes the job that Chuck and Blair couldn’t and goes after Poppy.
  10. How good and kind of cheesy was the teaser for the next episode featuring flashbacks of Lily and Rufus in their teen years and a performance by No Doubt! Yes, it’s a pilot for that Gossip Girl spin-off about Lily’s wild years.

Gossip Girl Watch: Chuck Has Eyes Wide Shut And Dan Is Hot For Teacher

Is Gossip Girl jumping the shark? A teacher-student romance and an “Eyes Wide Shut” storyline in one episode?! These kids aren’t even in college, let alone the big bad world of finance and they’re already embroiled in scandals.

Here are Blindie’s over-the-top ten moments moments of Gossip Girl‘s “Carnal Knowledge” episode:

  1. Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) gets detention! We should’ve known this episode was gonna be a shocker when the Queen Bee actually gets punished. Well, at least she made Dorota (Zuzanna Szadkowski) do all the work.
  2. Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick) wakes up in a hotel room with a strange tattoo on his arm, and flashbacks of a night of debauchery reminiscent of Stanley Kubrick’s last film “Eyes Wide Shut.” All obvious questions aside, but does Chuck even go to school anymore?
  3. Does anyone else think the english teacher Rachel Carr (Laura Breckenridge) looks like Shannon Doherty (from the original 90210 years)?
  4. That awesome dialogue that keeps us coming back for more: “Is a scandal still a scandal if you can’t text about it?” Hazel (Dreama Walker) complains when their cell phones are confiscated at school; “Talk about the filthy rich,” Vanessa Abrams (Jessica Szohr) says when she sees Chuck in his apres-party unkemptness; “I can’t believe we’re here on a Saturday evening, that’s a lot of cancelled retstaurant reservations,” Lily van der Woodsen (Kelly Rutherford) laments when she has to attend an emergency parent meeting at the school.
  5. We love when Blair compared Dan and Ms. Carr to that infamous teacher who had an affair with her student, Mary Kay Letourneau!
  6. Blair’s plan to take down the english teacher backfires and she faces expulsion for spreading a rumor about Dan Humphrey getting it on with Ms. Carr.
  7. Rumor starts to become truth when Dan meets with the english teacher at a dimly lit cafe. Really? Who does that? Like they couldn’t talk at school?
  8. We love how Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) is quick to sell Dan up the river as soon as she sees him barely touching Ms. Carr for like a split second. Blair snaps a photo on her cell phone and uses it to bail Blair out of her lies so she won’t have to go to Oberlin!
  9. Chuck goes on a wild goose chase for the mysterious masked woman who pleasured him the previous night and finds out his father was involved in a secret gentleman’s club. We’re not sure where this is going but since the woman has already turned up missing it’s definitely gonna be scandalous and shocking and age-inappropriate!
  10. Dan and Serena are splitsville again! And Dan’s already jumped into bed with the english teacher, or should we say the english teacher has already jumped his bones. Too bad the dean of Constance Billard was about to call and offer Ms. Carr her job back!

Gossip Girl Watch: Adoption, College Acceptance And Drama At The Opera

We thought that after the Rufus and Lily spin off was announced, their Gossip Girl lovefest would take a backseat to the teenage drama, but the parent PDA continues! And what’s with the obsession over Yale? Pick another Ivy League, there are seven others!

Here are Blindie’s top moments from Gossip Girl‘s “You’ve Got Yale” episode:

  1. Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick) tries every trick in the Blair Waldorf book of backstabbing and then some to kick his Uncle Jack out of the company – from planting drugs, to setting him up with a transsexual and putting his name on Megan’s’ List (the California sex offender’s list).
  2. Rufus Humphrey (Matthew Settle) and Lily van der Woodsen (Kelly Rutherford) are playing sleep-over and her daughter Serena complains she is “pretending not to hear what [she} hears in the middle of the night.” Awkward!
  3. Why is Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) still sacrificing herself for Blair (Leighton Meester)? She even gives up her spot at Yale so Blair can move off the wait-list. Bring back bitchy Serena!
  4. Blair gets a dog! We were expecting a Labradoodle or a Portugese Water Hound, because we heard those are quite trendy now.
  5. Genius dialogue from Chuck as he calls Rufus a “half-priced hustler!” and says “I don’t care where you import them from, I want them young and unstable,” as he orders up some women.
  6. Nice to see Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford) and Vanessa Abrams (Jessica Szohr) still hanging in there with the minimum amount of lines needed to receive a paycheck, but really their scenes were so unnecessary.
  7. Chuck finally gets a mother as Lily follows through with her plans to adopt him to help him gain control of his father’s company. And Chuck returns the favor as he comes to Lily’s aid when a coked up Uncle Jack tries to rape her at the opera.
  8. Serena oders a home dread-locking kit! Really? There’s a home kit?
  9. We love that Serena is choosing the slackers Ivy League, Brown University!
  10. Blair gets schooled by the new teacher! That’ll teach her to “act out on people.”

Photo Credit: Giovanni Rufino / The CW

Gossip Girl Watch: Uncle Jack Serves Up Betrayal With Cocktails and Coquettes

Backstabbing? Check! Underage drinking? Check! Drugs and hookers? Check, and check! All of the regular Gossip Girl plot points are present. So why did the last scene fizzle into a Brady Bunch moment? We’re starting to suspect the Gossip Girl writers must live in Brooklyn because all of the betrayal seems to happen on Manhattan’s Upper East Side but warm and fuzzy moments are always going down at the Humphrey’s Brooklyn loft. WTF? We love the Serena and Dan thing and even the Rufus and Lily affair, but only if it’s going to cause drama!

Here are Blindie’s top ten moments from Gossip Girl‘s “Gone with the Will” episode:

  1. Chuck Bass’ (Ed Westwick) father leaves him the majority share of Bass Industries, and Chuck is upset! Huh? What?
  2. Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen) is totally playing the third wheel hag role and blocking Eric van der Woodsen (Connor Paolo) from getting some alone time with his boyfriend Jonathon. Get your own guy Jenny!
  3. I can’t believe Dan Humphrey told Vanessa about his father’s love child in a candy store! Well, at least it was Dylan’s candy store. And of course it gets leaked to Gossip Girl -on purpose! Silly Dan, doesn’t he know the walls have ears on the Upper East Side.
  4. We love how the little Upper East Side girls call Dan a “Brooklyn pig” and accuse Vanessa Abrams (Jessica Szohr) of “failing upwards” because she couldn’t make it work with Dan and she’s now dating Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford).
  5. We love that Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) has a sign reserving the eclairs for Chuck at his celebratory brunch!
  6. OMFG!! Are we sure these kids are in high school?!! Chuck is caught by Bass Industry board members sitting behind a desk covered in drugs and two lingerie-clad women perched at his side! And all thanks to the ultimate backstabber Uncle Jack.
  7. And amidst all of the drama, Lily and Rufus are lounging in bed basking in their afterglow and reminiscing about old rocker days.
  8. Too bad Chuck chose “cocktails and coquettes” over “business and Blair” because this time Blair is not sticking by his side!
  9. So Lily and Rufus’ son is not dead? Damn! Everyone’s a liar on this show! Even the adopted parents. EW’s Ausiello was right!
  10. The Chuck and Jack feud is ON! And our money is on Chuck for the win.

PHOTO CREDIT: Craig Blankenhorn / The CW

Gossip Girl Watch: Death And Love On The Upper Eastside

Bart Bass is dead and when the wealthy die the skeletons come out of the closet -and apparently so does Eric’s boyfriend.

Lily’s big secret is finally revealed as Chuck Bass’ (Ed Westwick) emotions get exposed and Blair (Leighton Meester) gets all maternal, or maybe just a bit Jewish.

Here are Blindie’s top ten OMG moments:

  1. The episode title “O Brother, Where Bart Thou?” is so painfully bad. What is this The Simpsons?
  2. Eric van der Woodsen points out that grandmother Cece had gin her teacup -at breakfast no less! And Eric’s boyfriend Jonathan finally surfaces, for like a minute, and then that storyline goes nowhere.
  3. A drunk Chuck stumbles to his father’s funeral and tells off Dan Humphrey and Lilly Van der Woodsen for killing his father.
  4. Nate calles Blair maternal and she denies it claiming, “I’m not maternal, I’ve just been spending too much time with Cyrus and I’m turning Jewish.”
  5. Always one to find a way to get exposure and publicity, Jenny offers to make amends to Eleanor Waldorf by making her wedding dress -something circa Mick and Bianca 1971.
  6. Blair tells Chuck she would stand by him no matter what, and when she declares her love for him he coldly says “that’s too bad.” Blair sobs to her soon-to-be stepfather, “only a masochist could love a narcissist.”
  7. Lilly finally declares ” I love Rufus” but of course they still can’t be together. We’re not clear why though -is it because she had an abortion years ago in a hospital in France or did she give birth to their lovechild and put it up for adoption?
  8. Serena Van der Woodsen is going to Buenos Aires with Aaron Rose for the holiday to finally seal the deal and sleep with him and Dan is wishing he asked her not to go.
  9. Why don’t the Humphreys just move to the city already? They spend all their time chasing after the Waldorfs and the van der Woodsens in Manhattan anyway.
  10. Broken and lonely Chuck finally falls into Blair’s loving embrace, then disappears in the morning. We live for unrequited love!

PHOTO CREDIT: Giovanni Rufino / The CW

Gossip Girl Watch: Art And Unrequited Love

The Gossip Girl crew is up to their old tricks of scheming and hooking up with each other! And the new cutie on the scene, Aaron Rose played by John Patrick Amedori (of Stick it fame!), adds some much needed new blood to the romance drama.

Taylor Momsen must be having the best season ever as her character Jenny Humphrey goes from high school drop out to fashion intern to chic party girl all in the blink of an eye. Next week she’s a hot new breakout designer!

Here are Blindie’s top ten moments from Gossip Girl‘s “Pret-a-Poor-J” episode:

  1. Eleanor Waldorf convinces Jenny to remake her dress design so she can pass it off as a Waldorf original to the Barneys and Bendel buyers, but like a true teenager Jenny hangs out and turns in a sloppy piece of work.
  2. Jenny tells off Eleanor, takes back her designs and quits! All on the advice and prompting of her new friend Agnes who kept her out all night and ran off in the dress she was supposed to work on.
  3. Serena has found new artsy indie guy Aaron Rose to romance. Too bad he just rode away on his motorcycle with another girl! But we hear Amedori is signed up for at least three more episodes, plenty of time for him to get it on with Serena and make Dan jealous.
  4. More genius dialogue!: “Ever since Charlize Theron became the face of Dior I’ve been wanting to change my signature scent,” Blair tells Chuck; and “Unfortunately there was no hard evidence…literally,” Blair says of her failed attempt at turning Chuck on.
  5. Blair tries every trick in the book to seduce Chuck, including candles and even spilling a drink on his crotch, but alas her “itch” never gets scratched. They both decide to put off their love affair because “Chuck and Blair go to the movies” and “Chuck and Blair hold hands” just doesn’t sound right.
  6. Dan Humphrey coaches Blair as she tries to bed Chuck.
  7. Oh the irony, as Dan explains to Vanessa that Blair is humane and Vanessa tells Dan that Chuck is actually the human one.
  8. Jenny dances around in her bra with new bestie Agnes while Max the photographer snaps away on his camera. We can’t wait to see what blog those photos will turn up on!
  9. Nate walks in on a shirtless Jenny and her new friends, and like a knight in shining armour he whisks her away before she gets taken advantage of. Too late, she’s a minor who was just photographed in her undies -sounds like borderline child pornography to us!
  10. Jenny and Nate kiss! Is there anyone Nate hasn’t hooked up with?! Does Jenny have to take everything that was once Blair’s?

PHOTO CREDIT: GIOVANNI RUFINO / THE CW